Internalised bullying happens when harsh outside criticism becomes your own inner voice. For many people living with obesity, years of stigma, judgment, or unkind comments can quietly turn into self-blame or negative self-talk.
This page explores what internalised bullying is, how it affects your confidence and motivation, and how to rebuild a more compassionate mindset. It’s about helping you move forward with kindness and understanding, whether you’re on a weight loss journey or not.
Three key takeaways
Internalised bullying happens when you turn harsh outside criticism into negative self-talk – often without realising it.
These thoughts can affect confidence, motivation, and progress during your weight loss journey.
Replacing self-criticism with compassion helps you stay consistent, resilient, and focused on long-term health, not perfection.
What is internalised bullying?
Internalised bullying means taking negative external messages – from society, media, or past experiences - and turning them inward. Over time, criticism from others can become your own self-talk.
Common examples include thoughts like:
“I’m lazy.”
“I’ll never stick to this.”
“I don’t deserve to feel good about myself.”
These beliefs often come from years of hearing that weight equals worth, or that needing help to manage weight is a sign of weakness. But they’re not facts. They’re learned responses to stigma and can be unlearned through awareness and self-compassion.
How internalised bullying shows up in weight loss
You might notice internalised bullying through:
self-blame after small setbacks (“I failed again”)
struggling to feel proud of progress
comparing your journey to others and feeling behind
avoiding check-ins or appointments because of fear of judgment
linking self-worth to numbers on the scale
dismissing compliments or achievements
These habits don’t mean you lack motivation – they mean you’ve absorbed unfair standards. Recognising these patterns is the first step in changing them.
The emotional and physical impact
Internalised bullying affects more than how you think – it also affects how your body responds to stress. Constant self-criticism increases levels of cortisol, the stress hormone. This in turn can make weight loss harder and disrupt sleep, energy, and mood.
It can also contribute to anxiety, depression, or emotional eating. When you believe negative thoughts about yourself, it’s easier to lose motivation or give up early. This can create a cycle of guilt, frustration, and physical stress that undermines long-term progress.
Breaking that cycle improves both mental and physical wellbeing. Replacing judgment with understanding helps your body and mind work together instead of against each other.
Why it’s not your fault
For decades, weight stigma and diet culture have promoted the false idea that obesity is purely about willpower. This misunderstanding has led to shame and discrimination, even in healthcare settings.
In reality, obesity is recognised by NICE and the World Health Organization (WHO) as a chronic medical condition influenced by biology, hormones, and genetics – not a personal failure.
The problem isn’t you. It’s the stigma you’ve been exposed to. Recognising that helps shift responsibility away from blame and toward care, progress, and health.
How to recognise and challenge internalised bullying
Start by noticing your inner dialogue. What do you say to yourself when you make a mistake or fall short of a goal? Would you say those same words to a friend?
When you catch negative thoughts, pause and reframe them. For example:
Instead of “I’ll never succeed,” try “I’m learning what works for me.”
Instead of “I’m not good enough,” try “I’m improving, step by step.”
Journaling can help identify patterns and rewire your perspective. Try prompts like:
“When did I start believing these things about myself?”
“What would a supportive version of me say?”
“What progress am I proud of this week?”
Each reflection helps you replace self-criticism with encouragement.
Building a kinder inner voice
Building self-compassion takes time but leads to lasting motivation. Here are ways to start:
Speak kindly to yourself. Treat yourself as you would someone you care about.
Focus on effort, not perfection. Progress happens in small, consistent steps.
Celebrate every win. A healthy meal, a walk, or a good night’s sleep all count.
Use affirmations rooted in truth. Replace “I can’t” with “I’m learning how.”
Surround yourself with positive influences. Supportive people and resources make change easier.
If negative self-talk feels overwhelming, therapy or CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) can help challenge deep-rooted thought patterns and build confidence.
The role of clinically supported weight loss treatments
“Using treatments like Mounjaro or Wegovy isn’t taking the easy route – it’s a proactive way to care for your health. Medical treatment removes guesswork and provides structure, helping reduce the stress and guilt that often come with dieting alone.
“When treatment is part of a supervised plan, it shifts focus from punishment to progress. Each review with a clinician helps reinforce that you’re not failing – you’re following evidence-based care designed for long-term success.
“Approaching your journey medically and mindfully turns it into an act of self-care, not self-criticism.”
Unlearning internalised bullying takes time, patience, and compassion. There’s no perfect version of progress - only growth and persistence. Every time you choose understanding over self-blame, you strengthen the mindset that supports sustainable change.
You’re doing something brave. Seeking help, starting treatment, or simply trying again are all signs of resilience. You deserve to feel proud of that.
It’s when you absorb criticism or stigma from others and start repeating it to yourself. Over time, it can affect confidence, self-worth, and motivation.
How is internalised bullying different from low self-esteem?
Low self-esteem can have many causes, while internalised bullying specifically stems from repeated criticism or bias that’s been turned inward.
Why do people with obesity experience more internalised bullying?
People with obesity experience more internalised bullying because of long-standing social stigma, stereotypes, and judgement about weight. Over time, these messages can shape how people see themselves.
Can internalised bullying affect my weight loss progress?
Yes. Stress and self-criticism increase cortisol, which can make it harder to lose weight and stay motivated.
How can I stop being so hard on myself?
Notice your thoughts and reframe them. Ask what you’d say to a friend in the same situation, and start practising that tone with yourself.
Does therapy help with internalised bullying?
Yes. CBT and other talking therapies can help reframe negative thinking, rebuild self-compassion, and support long-term mental health.
Can medication like Mounjaro or Wegovy help me feel more in control?
They can help by reducing appetite and stabilising blood sugar, which can lessen frustration and improve focus on behaviour change.
How can I build confidence during weight loss?
Focus on actions, not outcomes. Track effort, celebrate progress, and surround yourself with supportive people or communities.
How can I support someone who struggles with internalised bullying?
Listen without judgement. Offer encouragement, avoid appearance-focused comments, and remind them that their worth isn’t defined by their weight.
Supported by the National Bullying Helpline
Bullying can impact your confidence, your well-being, and your daily life. You don’t have to carry that alone. We’ve partnered with the National Bullying Helpline so you can talk to someone who will listen, support you, and help you take the next step. Get support today.
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